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Want a man who is  “ in touch with his feelings” and who has “high EI (emotional intelligence)? Well, think again . . .

By the time we emerge from the womb, most of the differences between males and females are already formed.   Such is the primary conclusion in the book Brainsex, which explores gender differences.  Written more than 20 years ago by geneticist Anne Moir and journalist David Jessel, it is still relevant today’s dating world.

According to the authors, men and women enter into relationships under the misconception that they are essentially the same; they seem ‘compatible.’  (For those who have worked with me, you know that ‘compatibility’ is one of the three ‘C’s’ I cite for a successful relationship – the others being Chemistry and Communications.)

Women crave emotional intimacy, interdependence, and verbal affirmation in their daily life with their partner, while men assume that financial security and a good sex life form the basis of a successful relationship.

Women perennially complain that men do not communicate, yet men’s brains are not structure to make them want to talk frequently about their deepest feelings – the parts of their brain relations to feelings and to conveying thoughts are literally in separate places.  As such, a man, on average, only uses 7,000 words per day, whereas a woman uses 20,000!

So, if you have a need to share your feelings and get emotional support, look to your girlfriends – not your boyfriend.   Sure, men can ‘be there’ for us in hard times, but we must realize that they’re wired differently, and adjust our communications and expectations accordingly.

You’re sipping a latte in your favorite coffee bar, and   an attractive person is nearby typing on a laptop.  Smiles are exchanged.  What’s your best opening line?

A.    “Do you live around here?”

B.    “Have I seen you here before?”

C.     “What kind of laptop is that?”

With the focus squarely placed on “you” (the other person),t he first line is too personal.  The second line is also too invasive, with its presumption about “us”.   The third is just right, with a shared focus that safely points to “it”, the “laptop.”  So the next time you see an opportunity for a chance encounter, look for objects to comment about – a choice of a book, perhaps, or a selection of food, or a preference for a piece of clothing.  It’s a simple and effective way to get a conversation going.

Interesting news!

I am being considered by a television network for my own show featuring no-nonsense advice that puts single women in the driver’s seat, giving them the confidence and know-how to navigate today’s challenging dating terrain.

I am looking for a few special ladies who would like to take part in the audition video that the U.S.-based TV channel has asked the production company to prepare.

In return for being video-taped (your appearance WILL NOT be broadcast — just viewed by television executives), you’ll get a complimentary one-to-one session with me — valued at £150 — with bespoke ideas and actions to take your love life from good to great.

My success is helping countless single women — especially those over 40 years of age – to be their own matchmakers and more easily and quickly attract better potential partners — has captured the attention of several television executives and personalities, including the “Queen” of U.S. daytime talk shows, Oprah Winfrey.

What’s required: one hour of your time, and a willingness to share information on the type of man you’re looking for and your current dating challenges.    In our taped ’session’, which will be in central London, we’ll explore a variety of things you can do find, meet, attract and connect with Mr. Right.

If you’re interested in participating, please email me with a photo and a brief description of yourself, including your age, profession, how long you’ve been single and the dating challenge you’re facing.

Here’s your chance to get some valuable insight that could change your life — as it has for my client Ann Marie, who sent the following email last week.

click here for details please

Given that we often choose the wrong men or women , surely it would make more sense to seek someone who is “good enough” rather than always seeking “the best.”

This is an key idea explored in psychologist Barry Schwartz’s book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less.

Scwartz divides people into “maximizers” and “satisficers.”  Maximizers are people who are not happy unless they have explored every option to obtained “the best”, in whatever circumstance, including dating (a.k.a sorting through numerous people to find “the one.”)

Satisficers are those who are willing to settle for what is “good enough” without needing to make sure there is some better option.  In the dating world, single satisficers have certain criteria or standards that if met will direct their choice of a suitable partner without needing him or her to ‘tick all the boxes.’   Which one are you?  How has being a maximizer or satisficer affected your love life for the better or worst?

have a look

One Night Stand

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman claims to be able to make 91 percent accurate predictions of whether a couple will divorce or stay married – after observing them for only five minutes.   His findings also apply to dating.

Glean more . . .

Gottman believes the way a couple argues and resolves conflict determines whether they stay together.  In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage he identifies several ominous signs:  harsh startups, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, emotional ‘flooding’, when either partner is overwhelmed by verbal attacks from the other, and conflict escalation.  If you’ve been on the giving and/or receiving end of any or all of these behaviors beware.  Gottman suggest a focus on friendship, which not only kindles romance but protects again a relationship getting adversarial.